GIVING UP THE DREAM

I said yesterday I was going to quit trying to write bestsellers and just try to write the best novels I can.

Well, I don't like giving up the dream, the dream to be rich and famous. To be someone because of my work. Reminds me of that Tracy Chapman song: "I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone."

I feel like I'm giving up the dream to show the world I can do it, the dream to have whatever I want without having to worry about every little nickel I spend.

So I have mixed feelings. I’m giving up a lot. However, trying to write a great book is its own challenge. Still, I’m giving up the dream.

Here is a good example for me to follow: Darren Aronofsky says he didn’t make “Black Swan” to make money, that he is surprised at its success, that he just wanted to entertain, and that he is always drawn to characters in extreme states of emotion. Sounds like he just makes the movies he wants to make, with no thoughts for the future.

Boy, I hate to give that up, the idea of writing for the big bucks, of swinging for the fences, of going all out for what you want. I want it to be bottom of the ninth, we are two runs down, and I'm up to bat, with two men on base.

Then I want to hit a towering home run, way-way-way out of the park. I want the crowd to cheer. I mean really cheer, stand up and scream.

I want the women to cry and the children to buy my baseball cards, and the crowd to rush onto the field and carry me around on their shoulders.

Then I want to take the mike and say, "Aw shucks, folks, nuthin' to it." Later I want the major league groupies lined up around the block.

Get the picture? I don't want to give that up.

Do I have to? I think so. It kills me to say that.

Copyright 2011, Roger R. Angle