Sunday, May 24, 2009


I have a right-wing friend who said he met Dick Cheney once.
My friend was impressed, partly with how "focused" Cheney was.
My friend didn't say what Cheney was focused on, but I bet the old war dog was focused on what he did best: screwing the American people out of billions of dollars.
And where did those billions of dollars go?
Into the military-industrial complex, of which Cheney was and apparently still is a glowing part.
Remember when Cheney left Halliburton to run for vice president?
Remember that he was given a golden handshake worth, I think, $50-million?
Remember when people in Iraq were throwing bundles of American cash around as if they were footballs?
Remember when we had semi-trailer trucks hauling full loads of American cash around Iraq?
Remember when we paid, what was it, $30-million, for the whereabouts of Saddam Hussein's sons, whom we then assassinated?
Where did all that cash come from?
Out of our pockets, ladies and gentlemen.
Part of Dick Cheney's focus.
He focused on us and our money.
We know. We saw the results.
But did any of that help the USA?
Did any of it make us safer?
Was the War On Iraq justified by a connection to 9/11?
No, not that I can see.
But then, I don't have Dick Cheney's "focus."


It would be tempting to call ex-Vice President Dick Cheney a moron. He spouts obvious hokum about water-boarding and the myth that the last Bush administration kept America safe by its phony "War On Terror."
I disagree with Cheney and think his statements are stupid and misdirected.
However, I don't think he's a complete fool.
His reactions are dictated by the only-human truth that "Where you stand depends on where you sit."
I think it was Mark Twain who said, "Tell me who signs your paycheck, and I'll tell you your political views," or something like that. (I wasn't able to find it using Google.)
Cheney is worth many millions (so says Newsweek) and he got those millions from the military-industrial complex via Halliburton.
In that regard, he is like Pavlov's dog. The bell of big money rings, and he salivates. Big money in this regard comes from the huge dollars made by Cheney and his cohorts from the War On Terror and much of that from the War Against Iraq.
So Cheney is still salivating and is sorry the bell may someday cease to ring.
Ding-dong, Dick. Ding-dong.
Let's call him Ding-Dong Dick.
Do not send to know for whom the bell rings.
It rings for Dick.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


I'm tired of hearing about God.
I'm tired of hearing that "everything happens for a reason."
A child gets run over in the street.
What's the reason for that?
I'm tired of seeing football players and baseball players point to the heavens when they make a touchdown or hit a home-run or win a game.
Bull. God had nothing to do with it.
Do they think God prevented a tackle or guided the ball or choose the Angels over the Dodgers?
Why would God do that?
Doesn't God have bigger problems to solve?
I'm tired of reading about the Pope as if he had a direct pipeline to God.
I'm tired of churches and synagogues and prayers and worship services and Sunday mass and midnight mass and Sunday school and the Bible as the word of God.
I'm sick of hearing that bull.
Believe me, fellow earthlings, here on earth, God's work must truly be our own.
No one else is to going do it.
Don't wait on Jesus, my friends, he isn't coming.
Not to my house or your house.
Not to any church or mosque or synagogue we know.
Not any time soon.
Don't hold your breath.
As the Arabs say, "Believe in Allah, but tie up your camel."
Amen to that. Allah is not going to retrieve your camel if it is stolen or wanders off into the desert at night.
Jesus isn't going to prevent you from getting a ticket if you run a red light, especially if it has one of those camera things on it.
Doesn't matter how much you pray. Or how many gods you pray to. Or to which God.
God isn't going to take that test or attend those classes for you.
God isn't going to pay your credit-card bills or pay off your mortgage or ask that pretty girl out on a date.
You can believe in as many religions as you want, and you can listen to the preachers all you want, but none of that is going to do you any good.
You might feel better about yourself and kid yourself that you are now a better person than you were before.
Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but all those prayers and all those church services and all that tithing and all those televangelists and all those preachers and ministers and saints aren't going to save your worthless keister or tukas or derriere.
The only one who can save your worthless rear end is you.
Welcome to the real world.
You might as well pray to a ham sandwich.
Lettuce pray.
Add mustard and mayonnaise.
And some cheese.