BESTSELLERS OR JUST CRAP?

Today, I went to the library to study bestselling novels, hoping I could learn something to use in my own work.

I browsed the shelves and got out six or eight books and sat down to read a page or two. You can tell a lot right off the bat.

The first one was by John Grisham. I think it was called "The Associate" or something like that. It started out about a law student coaching an inner-city boy's basketball team.

God, it was boring. I could hardly wade through six or eight pages of the first scene. It about wore me out.

The guy sees a cop or federal agent watching him. OK, big deal. Then later he gets outside and two FBI guys hassle him about an old rape charge.

Why should I care about this guy? I don't. This is a bestseller? You can't prove that by me.

Then I tried books by John Sandford, James Patterson, Richard North Patterson, Ridley Pearson, and three or four other big-time bestseller writers.

To me, they were all pretty much the same. These books are supposed to be thrillers, but I was not thrilled. I wasn't hooked. I wasn't even interested. They were unbearably dull.

This isn't the first time I've done this. In the past, I've tried Lee Child and Dean Koontz and Lisa Gardner and John Locke (whose stuff BTW is notable for its extreme use of cliches).

Years ago, I picked up a used copy of a John Sandford novel, and the first chapter was surprisingly good. It was about a group of high-powered biz execs who went on their annual deer hunt.

At the end of the first scene, somebody shoots and kills the chairman of the board. OK, so far, so good. Then the author says, "It was a real bad day for the chairman of the board." Or something like that. 

Yargh! I threw the book against the wall. That authorial intrusion ruined it for me. I couldn't read any further.

I even read a whole John Grisham novel once, "The Firm." It was so repititious and badly written that I vowed I'd never read another one.

This was typical. These bestsellers are almost uniformly horrible. Poorly written and boring. I can't even read that crap, let alone write it. Trying to read it is a form of torture. Yargh!

So I made a decision: I will pass on the bestsellers. Who cares? If I was doing this to make money, I'd become a pimp, or sell life insurance, or go to law school, or become a hit-man. (Joking now. Har-har.)  

From now on, I'm just going to write the best novels I can, by my own criteria. Travel my own road, and see that road by my own lights.

That decision feels right. It puts me in charge, the captain of my ship, the master of my fate.

For one thing, I can study the novels I love, the great books. You know, Tolstoi, Faulkner, Cormac McCarthy, James Joyce, Hemingway, Melville, Camus, F. Scott Fitzgerald.

No more crap.
Whew, what a relief.

I don't know if I'll ever be a bestseller, or even publish a novel, but at least I'll be doing what I love and doing it my own way.

Wish me luck.

Copyright 2011, Roger R. Angle

NOT A SEXY PROFESSION

Apparently, teaching is not a sexy profession. A friend of mine who pretends to be an expert in chasing women says, "Never tell a woman you are a teacher. Nobody wants to go to bed with a teacher."

Why is that?

Maybe it's because people don't respect teachers, for some reason, in this country. In Europe, I understand, teachers are held in higher esteem. I don't know if they get more dates or have more sex.

Maybe teachers are not popular because they are "a bunch of weirdos," as a friend of mine says. BTW, she is a teacher, too. 

Maybe teachers are not sexy because they don't have any power outside the classroom, and they don't make much money.

Let us all feel sorry for the poor teachers, who apparently don't get enough nookie. I hope that doesn't hurt their ability to teach.

Copyright 2011, Roger R. Angle

WHY TEACHERS SUFFER LOW PAY

What motivates teachers? Why do people with college degrees and graduate degrees go into such a low paying profession?

The answer is that good teachers are in the success business. Their main goal in life is to help students succeed. They get a real sense of reward from helping other people gain knowledge and skills and get ahead in the world.

That may seem strange, in our modern, selfish, money-grubbing USA, where many people seem to worship celebrities just because they are rich. But it's true.

For the past five years, I've taught junior and senior English at Los Angeles Community Adult School. Before that, I taught part-time at junior colleges, mostly freshman composition. So I knew how to prepare my students.

Often my students would come back to visit, and they would tell me how well they did on the college placement test. When they could skip remedial classes and go straight into freshman English, that was a big victory, for them and for me. It made my day.

One of my favorite students was Alejandra, a 40ish lady from Latin America, with an IQ I'd estimate somewhere around 140. She made a living cleaning houses in Beverly Hills, but she should have been a doctor or lawyer or engineer.

A brilliant student, she could learn anything you asked her to, in about one-fourth the time of an average student. The night she graduated from our high school, she came to my classroom wearing her cap and gown, shook my hand, and thanked me for helping her and for being her teacher.

That made my day, and it made my year.

That is why teachers put up with such low pay.

Copyright 2011, Roger R. Angle

YOUR 'CRAPPY' PUBLIC SCHOOL?

First of all, let me say that I believe in public schools.
I love the idea of a more-or-less free and more-or-less equal education for all children everywhere, in the USA.

In fact, I actually think we might be better off if we did away with private schools. That would force us to put all our energy into public schools and fix the real or perceived problems.

Lots of people think the public school system all across the USA is broken. Not true, only parts of it are broken. In the next few weeks, I'm going to reveal which parts of it are good, which are bad and which are ugly, based largely on my own experience and that of other teachers.

As you can probably guess, if you know me, the best part of the system is the students. They are great. But they have been treated badly, in my opinion, for years.

The worst sin?
Boredom.

More to come.
Stay tuned, more or less. 

Copyright 2011, Roger R. Angle 

LITERARY THRILLER?

I've been a starving writer most of my adult life and have made a living in journalism, teaching and PR. That hasn't been a bad life. I'm not complaining.

I enjoy those things and think they can be valuable, especially journalism and teaching. After all, journalism and school are where most people get their understanding of the larger world, outside their family and friends. (Or should.)

But my passion has always been fiction. I've tried before to write big literary thrillers, and my goal has been to make enough money so I could quit my day job.

In 1996, I had a novel that almost went big. A publisher was talking $500,000 and a two-book deal. BTW, that makes it cheaper for them; they get two for one. Half a million is enough for a break-out book, and I was hoping to be able to write full-time.

But the deal fell through, and I'm back at it again. Am studying bestsellers, first to see if I can find any that don't make me puke, and second to see if I can adapt any of their methods to my own work.

I've read "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo," part of the greatest publishing phenomenon that I know of--the three books in the series have sold more than 40 million copies worldwide--and I'm planning to study John Grisham, John Sandford and other big bestsellers.

I don't know if this is even possible. Obviously, lots of other writers are trying to do the same thing. Even some non-writers. It's not easy.

But some people have succeeded. There are new writers on the bestseller lists all the time. Of course, most of their work is ridden with cliches and full of outrageous plot devices.

But my theory is that you don't have to write crap for money. I don't know if my theory is correct. After all, most of the big-money books are pretty crappy. But then, so are most so-called literary novels.

Anyway, I'm on a quest to make money writing fiction, and I don't want to write crap.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Wish me luck.
I'll need it.

Copyright 2011, Roger R. Angle

THE HEART OF HOLLYWOOD

Years ago, I used to write screenplays and try to break into the movie business, here in L.A. I knew the ex-wife of a famous director, and she still worked as his assistant.

I would send her outlines and treatments and ideas, and then talk to her on the phone. She would give me tips and try to help me write something they might want to buy. She was his "D girl," for development.

One time, she invited me to come to the Fox lot for lunch.

I thought that sounded like fun. By the time I drove up from Orange County, it was a week or two since I had sent her my latest outline, and I was working on something else. I had forgotten what I sent her.

So I checked in at the guard house and drove onto the Fox lot.

Carol was in a small outer office and the famous director was inside on the phone. The walls were lined with shelves stacked with dozens of screenplays, on their sides, their names written in black ink on their spines.

This was the real deal, the heart of Hollywood. 

I thought I was just there to schmooze. As we walked out the door and down the steps on the way to the commissary, she said, "Well, tell me your story."

I thought, Oops, which story?

"OK," she said, to cover my awkward mumbling, "How many people get killed?"

"I don't know," I said, "maybe six."

"Not enough," she said, as we were walking along. "John's movies usually have about forty."

Jesus, I thought, forty?

Then she said, "Is there a love story? John's movies always have heart."

That stopped me cold. Forty killings. Lots of blood and gore. And heart.  

We went ahead and had lunch, and I don't recall anything else we said. Needless to say, they never developed any of my ideas or bought any of my scripts.

But I learned something about Hollywood.
You gotta have heart. Lots of heart. 

Copyright 2011, Roger R. Angle

THE SUPER BOWL

You've no doubt noticed how pro-football teams have macho names: the Broncos, the Steelers (not the Stealers, that would be Wall Street), the Packers, the Vikings, etc.

And you've heard football analyzed as a war game. Throwing the bomb, violent hits, taking the other team's territory by force.

I think we should have some pacifist teams, to represent the softer side of humanity.

How about the Philadelphia Quakers? They could pray over the ball, and tackle the other teams' running backs gently, and quote the Bible when they celebrate, if they ever do, in the end-zone.  

Or the Choir Boys? They could sing hymns during huddles.

Or the Big Babies? They could cry, waa-waa, when they lose.

I don't mean to demean the Super Bowl. I loved it, although it was not an exciting game. I'm glad my team won. I thought Pittsburgh was going to come back and stomp us at the end. They seemed like the more dominant team. Yay, Packers.

Copyright 2011, Roger R. Angle